If you like sex, your sexuality is a significant aspect of who you are and how you feel about yourself.
It is important to your well being to experience a healthy sex life either alone or with a partner or spouse.
You, as an individual, must decide how you want to express your sexuality.
A healthy sexual encounter or relationship is based on mutual attraction, desire, shared interests, trust, empathy and intimacy.
Sexual intimacy for many people is an integral part of their emotional connection in a primary couple or marital relationship due to its propensity for pleasure and enhancing bonds as a couple.
Too often, when a couple’s emotional connection wanes so does the sexual intimacy which can further the sense of disconnection in the relationship.
I find many individuals and couples have difficulty discussing their sexual interests and sexual intimacy, especially when experiencing a lack of desire.
Lack of sexual desire in couple relationships is to be expected, at times, for a variety of reasons and stressors associated with living day-to-day.
It is normal for people’s sexual desire to ebb and flow.
In general, there may also be differences in partner’s or spouse’s sexual interests and desire.
The challenge is in recognizing how to bridge overall differences or circumstantial differences in sexual interests and desire.
Unfortunately, when sexual desire and intimacy wanes for too long, partners or spouses may begin to feel it has died entirely which may be problematic for the emotional connection of the couple relationship.
Their sexuality may become something they can’t discuss due to the sensitivity and fear of eliciting a defensive or negative reaction that makes matters more problematic in their couple relationship.
As a result, too often, partners or spouses avoid their sexual feelings and concerns which only makes matters worse.
Some clients I encounter in my practice indicate they are sexually inhibited, feel guilty or shame regarding their sexual desires or practices, which can impact the way they feel about themselves and their sexual intimacy with a partner or spouse.
This may be the result of a family of origin that never discussed sex, parents who weren’t affectionate or were perhaps very religious or negative about sex.
It might also have been the result of being sexually abused or assaulted earlier in their lives.
Sex, for some people, may be viewed as only a means to securing a partner or establishing a couple relationship, in order, to have children.
Many people also see sex as a pleasurable activity beyond getting a relationship or having children.
In working with clients, I strive to help them identify and work toward healthy sexuality either as individuals or with others in the context of the sexual relationship models they are choosing for themselves.
My work with clients in the area of sexuality includes these related areas:
- Couple issues and concerns
- Communication and collaboration
- Internal and relationship conflict related to sexuality
- Sexual orientation
- Sexual attraction, desire and arousal
- Sexual fluidity
- Sexual shame and guilt
- Gender identity and fluidity
- Homophobia and heterosexism
- Differences in desire and sexual difficulties
- Erotic orientations and sexual fantasy
- Sexual roles and scenarios
- Emotional connection
- Sexual intimacy
- Coping with prejudice, hate, harassment, discrimination, racism and social injustice regarding sexual orientation, gender identity, sexual oppression and sexual lifestyle choice issues.
I also see many clients in my practice that are involved with unconventional, alternative or kinky sexual fantasies and practices with consenting adults.
While these interests and practices may not be for everyone, there are many people who are creative and adventuresome in their sexuality.
There has been a cyber sexual revolution since the evolution of the internet in the early nineties.
This has given everyone who wants to explore their sexuality unlimited access to free erotica and pornography in a vast variety of forms.
Erotic fantasies are a private matter and may be played out only in your mind or acted out with a like-minded interested sexual partner.
Erotic fantasies and dreams may involve socially appropriate and inappropriate thoughts, images, stories, scenarios, art, people or other sexually provocative material that creates sexual desire, arousal and climax.
If you have unconventional or alternative sexual interests, fantasies or fetishes, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have a sex problem or are out of control sexually
One of the things that can be learned from viewing erotica and pornography on the internet is there are a wide range of sexual interests and fantasies that people seek out and share.
Unconventional or conventional sexual practices can become problematic depending on the frequency and the kind of consequences that may occur.
Sexual practices become problematic when there are negative consequences related to relationships, work, finances, health or legal issues.
It is important to only be engaging with consenting, competent adults and not involved in sexual activities involving children or minors, that are coercive, abusive, violent or other illegal sexual activities.
Unfortunately, too often, people engaging in unconventional, alternative or kinky sexual fantasies and practices are shamed by others or viewed as being sexually deviate or as having a sex addiction.
I work with people to help them feel more comfortable in expressing their sexuality in ways that are congruent with their erotic orientations and fantasies.
My work with clients in the area of unconventional, alternative or kinky sexual fantasies and practices includes:
- Couple or partner issues and concerns
- Favored sexual fantasies and practices
- Alternative or unconventional sexual networks and groups
- Gender identity and fluidity,
- Sexual orientation and erotic orientation
- LGBTQ sexual interests
Some clients I work with are engaging in certain kinds of problematic sexual behavior which may or may not be out of control sexual behavior.
Problematic sexual behavior is any sexual behavior that may be causing negative repercussions for your life regarding your values, identity, relationships, health, work, finances, time, legal issues or in some other way.
Your problematic sex behavior could also be a problem for your partner, spouse, family member, coworker, boss, employee or others.
Sex is a major source of pleasure that can become for some people the primary or only way of coping with life’s stressors, challenges and problems.
Problematic sex behavior can also be the result of not having a partner or spouse, or when a spouse or partner in a couple relationship is engaged conflict, abuse, is absent or where a poor emotional or sexual connection.
Sometimes problematic sexual behavior can become out of control, in terms of the frequency or intensity of engaging in the sexual behavior, as well as due to negative consequences.
Problematic or out of control sexual behavior does not necessarily mean you have a sex addiction.
In fact, most clients who I see that self identify as having a sex addiction or have a partner or spouse that identifies them as having a sex addiction do not.
We look at how the problematic or out of control sexual behavior functions in their life and identify alternatives that will work to help them have a healthier sex life.
I do not work with clients who are having legal problems as a result of their problematic or out of control sexual behavior.
My work with clients who are engaging in problematic or out of control sexual behavior includes these related areas:
- Assessing problematic and out of control sexual behavior
- Out of control sexual behavior versus sex addiction
- Identify the negative and positive functioning of the sexual behavior in your life
- Defining healthy sexuality
- Identifying your vision for your sexuality
- Identifying problematic sexual triggers
- Dealing with sexual urges and problematic sexual sequences
- Better self care and self regulation
- Developing your strategy for engaging in the kind of sexuality you most want.
I am not a certified sex therapist and so do not work with people who have specific chronic sexual difficulties such as erection dysfunction, vaginitis, premature ejaculation, female hypoactive sexual desire problems or other sexual functioning disorders.
For those kinds of chronic sexual dysfunction, it is important to consult your primary care physician and see a certified sex therapist that specializes in that kind of treatment.
I also do not work with people who are experiencing legal problems due to their problematic or out of control sexual behavior that may be related to committing sexual assault, rape, sexual abuse involving children or other sexual offenses.
For those kinds of legal incidents, it is necessary to consult your attorney and
work with court approved treatment specialists.